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The Path © 1998 by: Cirse Windom
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Madness ~ recognition |
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seeker jerked violently beneath the tree, dropped the stone and knocked his self over against a root.
he lay heaving.... frightened.... contemplating.... his gaze fixed upon the stones scattered nearby.
dreams ~ seeker had learned, were gifts of the subconscious. a portal into the depths of thought, feeling and instinct so often obscured by distraction. surfacing as fragments of symbolic perception, pure of intention and sparse enough of detail so as to force one to hear the honest language of essence in receiving the voice of one’s spirit.
seeker welcomed their appearance, reveled in his attempts at comprehending their meaning, and had learned to manipulate his presence within many of them ~ influencing their direction.
aware of and able to manipulate his presence in other dreams, seeker had chosen many times before to fly in the midst of a dream experience. but this dream was very different. although seeker had again chosen to fly ~ he had been unable to soar ~ bound as he was by what he suspected to be genuine madness.
seeker shuddered and looked around as if suddenly aware of some one staring at him. "i must look ridiculous." he said to the tree. "had a dream is all. just a dream...." he felt the tree release toward him a sense of knowing acceptance. and, for a moment, seeker wondered what sorts of dreams trees might have.
‘how paradoxical,’ he thought.
‘natural and logical ~ very like all of life’s finest lessons.’
seeker laughed aloud and felt an odd sense of relief at so quickly accepting what he would normally consider to be an unsatisfactory state of emotional latency.
seeker recognized the symbolism of stones and emotion in his dream, the symbolism of casting and gathering, treading and leaping.... ‘but simultaneous flying and suspension?’ although the concept seemed to oppose his reasoning, seeker maintained faith in the duality of existence, and realized also that not only was all symbolism worthy of exploration, some symbolism hinted at fear.
he saw this dream as an opportunity to explore his fear of purposelessness and his perception of neutrality. seeker saw that the two were related in his dream ~ and since he couldn’t control some of his actions within the dream, he knew it contained symbols and consequences of that fear and doubt.
seeker proceeded to explain his thoughts of his dream to the tree.
"this is a sense of madness.... how can i keep from madness," seeker asked, "when i am so very aware of the potential and consequence of non-awareness?"
"i am enlivened by the potential for, and benefits of awareness. yet, and as such.... i am equally destroyed by realizing the same great potential for destruction, manifest by non-awareness. and only through awareness am i made aware of this duality."
"it is madness ~ to shift between the two extremes. flung farther toward each edge with each new insight. flung faster with each new acceptance or rejection."
"has it become so difficult to dwell within the moment, that i attempted to seize it? is it one in the same?"
"or, has it become easier to dwell within the moment, such, that i could not tolerate the pendulum of emotional distraction ~ and for this, flung my self into the void ~ as if nothing mattered at all. propelled by my own momentum, so that even if i had wanted to stop, i could not."
"there is such extreme between what is.... what could be. even within me, the two seem so distant that i cannot seem to span the chasm. so i attempt to cast my self into it.... but do not fly or fall. just hang suspended ~ by the very madness ~ the duality of hope and dread that brought me there. so equally.... that i cannot seem to move at all."
"have i reached a state of true neutrality."
"or am i in fact both falling and flying so very rapidly that i only appear to be neutral."
"madness."
"and.... so very compelling a madness as to require great faith to level the passions of impulse...."
the tree seemed to accept his explanation without question, and unfailingly offered its continuous and interested support.
rising from the tangle of roots which had held him for so long ~ seeker gathered and held the four stones tightly to his breast.
embracing his need, his fear and weakness ~ praying for direction ~ renewing faith in his self and his love of all that is....
relinquishing a great and heavy sigh, seeker lifted and scattered the stones into darkness.
seeker turned and lay his hands gently against the old tree.
"i thank you, friend. stand long. stand well."
then, once again, seeker walked on....
with his passion.... with his madness.
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Writing - Home The
Gift of Everlasting Cheer | Tide Pool
Surprise |
Can You See What I See |
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