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The Path © 1998 by: Cirse Windom
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Assuredness ~ avenging assaulting tolerance intolerance |
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seeker had traveled a great distance since his confrontation with harmful; and, although seeker was careful not to glorify his experience, he realized too well, that each shared lesson was subject to the interpretation of another individual.... subject to their perceptions and base of reference.
seeker understood that in order to share his insights, he must accept that some re-told accounts would be skewed and replete with falsehoods.
it was a great danger and tremendous burden.... a profound responsibility which seeker constantly strove to comprehend and manage.
a wanderer who had heard a recent interpretation of seeker’s confrontation ~ inflecting toward it, her own interpretations ~ gleaning from it, reflected impressions ~ saw seeker’s light from afar and rushed ahead many steps to walk near his side.
“hey....” she paused breathlessly, finally aside seeker.
“hey....” replied seeker, turning to regard his companion.
“you’re the keeper of the light.... right?”
“i am a keeper of a light. as are you.”
“hmm....” the wanderer briefly contemplated before she continued. “still though.... you have a very great light!”
“great.... relative to what? what it isn’t.... or what it could be?”
the wanderer pondered quixotically. “whatever. i just mean that.... hey, we’re traveling together.... you.... me.... your light.... my light.” the wanderer glanced out of the corner of her eye toward seeker.
“have you um.... noticed how bright my light is?” the wanderer tried to suppress her great pride.
“i see that you are illuminated, somewhat.”
‘somewhat....?’ the wanderer thought in dejected silence.
she stood taller and leveling her chin said, “my light’s almost as big as yours! don’t you want to know how i earned it? don’t you want to know my lessons?”
“is your name ‘assured’?” inquired seeker.
“yes! yes, it is.” assured gasped, relieved there, at last, had been recognition of her stature. “i am assured. you must know then of my deeds. i confess it was you who inspired me to greatness. i had no purpose.... no direction until i heard the tales of your avenging.”
“now i am a great warrior like you.”
“i call my self....” glancing to make sure seeker was looking, she stretched her self again and reared her chin. “i call my self.... the ‘assured avenger’.” unable to suppress an eager grin, she bobbed her head in agreement with her self.
“i see you are very assured.” replied seeker.
“thanks to you and your incredible legacy.”
“assured.... you must realize i’ve avenged no one. i defended my self.... once.”
assured stopped walking as her expression slid “what? but, what of all the tales of avenging?”
“what of the ‘great chasm’ and the ‘bottomless hole’? i loved that one. you know, the one where you avenge all.... those desperate.... clingers....”
in stark disbelief assured stood staring, slowly shaking her head, imitating seeker.
“assured,” replied seeker, “i know nothing of such stories, and i am saddened if falsehoods have inspired you to a life modeled thereafter.”
“you are no warrior. you are no avenger. you know nothing of such things.... or my life. you’re a fake!”
assured paused. “a fake, i said!” she paused again, hoping seeker would react to her accusation.
seeker walked on.
“see,” assured commented, “you won’t even defend your self against me!” deflated and disgusted, assured turned to travel back in the direction from which she had come. then, she added in a barely audible whisper, “ya looser….”
“assured....” seeker spoke, continuing in his direction without pause. “do you want that I should slay some near thing that my worth be proved to you? do you want that i should slay you? without due provocation, would i not be equal in my darkness as those who perpetrate truly unprovoked violence toward others? as those you seek to avenge?”
assured turned toward seeker and, jogging back to seeker’s side, slumped along, eyes following the ground.
“assured, if you desire to revere me so greatly that you are unable to truthfully regard me, then i will remain forever elusive to you, and you to i. you must be willing to see me for all i am and am not ~ without judgment, and apart from your need ~ before you can truly accept and receive me.”
“i just thought you were some big avenger.” assured replied. “i mean, you have this great light, and all. that’s how i got my light. by avenging a lot of innocents.”
“your lessons taught me to do that, even if.... you know.... none of them were true.”
“i’m still proud of having done the right thing by avenging so many innocents.”
“assured,” seeker asked. “by what standard do you measure innocence?”
“i don’t know.” assured replied. “you know, some one who’s not guilty.... or at fault.”
“some one who is guiltless.... or faultless?” asked seeker.
“yes.”
“can any one be guiltless? or faultless?” seeker asked. “you, for all your avenging and perceived good deeds.... are you faultless? faultless even in judgment of another’s innocence? or faultless in judgment of another’s aggression?”
assured took on a note of defense. “i don't know what you’re getting at here, but i know guilt and innocence when i see it.”
“but, are you certain of your ability to see the full extent of circumstances leading up to the events which ~ as self appointed judge ~ you’ve assumed the task of assessing? what constitutes guilt and innocence, assured?”
“are you aware,” seeker continued, “there are degrees of interpretation, and a ciphering of situation that must be considered? when you assume the role of avenger.... are you defending another’s right to autonomy or simply imposing your perceptions of right and wrong behavior?”
“in effect, assured, by your zealous avenging, are you compromising the very notion of autonomy you seek to defend?”
“how can we expect to govern others.... if we are unable.... unwilling to govern our selves?”
“so you’re saying,” assured inquired, “that i should allow the violation of another, because i may be unable to comprehend the whole of a situation?”
“i’m saying,” seeker replied, “there are circumstances which dictate intervention. i’m saying there are times when an avenger is needed. i’m also saying an avenger has an enormous responsibility in assuming the role of defender, and must be certain ~ beyond any doubt ~ that what they are doing is defending and not assaulting.”
“i’m also saying those situations, tempered by prudence on the part of a true avenger ~ are relatively rare.”
“do you believe, assured, there are instances when a seeming victim is actually capable of defending them selves? and in assuming that role, you are robbing them of an opportunity to establish faith and responsibility in them selves? in effect ~ furthering.... strengthening their dependence upon your intervention?”
“and as such, you are robbing your self as well ~ of the wisdom and strength required to recognize and resist such temptation.”
“when you rely upon others’ weakness for the source of your strength.... when your need is so great and your price so high, you may fear their enablement and strive to exert control over their enlightenment.”
“your strength must come from within, lest you impair you own potential for growth and inner strength by holding others beneath you ~ keeping them dependent upon you.... or resenting them when they’ve grown beyond you.”
“not every one needs an avenger all the time.”
“equally, have those persons you seek to defend bothered to assess what is of greatest worth and importance to them? have they asked what they are willing to defend ~ if they are at all able? have they bothered to ask what price they would be willing to pay in order to defend their choice? is it the same price they require you to pay?”
“are they willing to pay or exchange anything at all?”
“i believe we have only one battle to fight ~ for, during that battle we may lose this life. for that battle we must be willing to concede this life ~ which is why we must choose that battle carefully.”
“i believe each person must identify what they are willing to defend to that end.”
“all other conflicts are simply conflicts ~ not battles ~ and are merely opportunities for creative solutions.”
“those who volunteer or are employed to defend another, should ask if those they defend are willing to suffer the same loss to achieve a goal.”
“such questions greatly reduce occasions of war.”
“one should be very wary of those who are ever ready and willing to engage in war. for these are often wanderers who receive a great deal of personal reverence or some other perceived gain from such an engagement ~ rather than possess an innate reverence for what it is they supposedly have chosen to defend.”
“to possess an innate reverence is to realize utterly that whatever one seeks to defend it’s self may be lost, along with one’s ability to defend their objective, potentially during and or after such an engagement.”
“i recognize....” seeker continued, “you are, in fact, assured; but, have you asked if you are assured within your self and the autonomy of the individual you perceive to be defending? or, are you assured rather, and most importantly, of your deeds?”
“there is a danger, assured, in allowing one’s deeds alone to define one’s scope. because you have believed seemingly without question and you have acted seemingly without contemplation that your deeds were right and just, you have gleaned a great deal of reverence for them.”
“but without true reverence for your self, without faith in your abilities to truly assess a situation to the best of your abilities and act with reserve when appropriate ~ you are dependent on the vulnerabilities and violence of others in order to justify and affirm your existence. and as such, perhaps even dependent upon the reverence of others.”
“this creates a volatile false confidence ~ false assurance, and lack of true faith in your self.”
“are you defending your own insecurities then, during those times when you are defending others. for there is no glory ~ no nobility in defending the truly helpless and brutalized. when we are able, it is unconscionable to do otherwise.”
“you must be wary of the source of your own praise. i see that you are assured. but.... are you at all self assured?”
assured contemplated seeker’s comments for a long while before she spoke.
“so who decides when the time is right or wrong, or even what is right or wrong?”
“how can i be sure when a true avenger is really needed?”
“that responsibility falls within each individual.”
“and that individual must be prepared to honestly answer within them selves their motives for acting.”
“are they avenging or assisting in any manner out of love and reverence, or out of a need for self worship or the worship of others. what kind of gain will be won? who will win it? at what cost? and to whom?”
“if that individual retains membership in and subscribes to the prescripts and customs of a group, then they must consider collectively what behavior falls within an accepted and dictated range of what is considered by that group to be normalcy. and they must collectively answer: for what motive does the group act?”
assured stopped walking momentarily and asked very seriously: “so what if there was a child. and that child were being brutalized. and there were many witnesses but no one stepped forward to defend this child?” angered by her memory, assured impatiently awaited seeker’s reply.
“assured, you must ask your self again..... what is brutality?”
“was an elder simply instructing the child in the socially prescribed and accepted manner? was the elder bound within the confines of ignorance and knew not a better or more effective alternative?”
“could you have avenged in a manner other than physical force?”
“could you have avenged ignorance by comforting the child, and alleviated hostility by attempting to instruct the elder in an alternative method?”
“i did so....” replied assured with a sharp edge in her voice. “by inflicting greater pain upon the elder.”
“was the elder then prepared to listen to alternatives?”
“we didn’t discuss it.” assured was aggravated and grew intolerant. “why are you defending this person?”
“is it possible, assured, that the elder was as innocent as the child? is it possible that the elder also needed defending? is it possible that the elder’s society had victimized the elder as much as the elder victimized the child?”
“i’m not saying that was the case.... i am asking only that you consider the possibilities.”
“individuals often harm others intentionally and without cause, because of their own fear of them selves.”
“ironically, this same fear often prohibits one from taking action against another in a social situation.”
assured listened closely.... angry, but eager to understand seeker’s seemingly contradictory reasoning.
“this is why hostility is passed, assured, like traits, from one generation to another, and often why it can quickly become an accepted behavior.”
“certainly ~ for one as equally unaware of them selves as they are of others ~ the brutalization of any weaker being often makes a second brutalization of the same being or the brutalization of another being, easier.”
“but, when we are brutalized, we must ask how we are receiving that lesson.”
“are we content to believe the lessons of brutality are: infliction and endurance equal strength?"
“this perception ~ tends to manifest greater harmfulness.”
“or, are we content to believe that the lessons of brutality are able to clarify the existence of insecurity ~ and can draw forth and manifest compassion in either our selves, or our attacker?”
“a butterfly could never withstand the brutalization that you or i could. a butterfly cannot even tolerate handling.”
“we must never compare the endurance of one to the endurance of another ~ for, they may be of entirely different.... and not always obvious.... emotional or physical persuasions.”
“strength is resistance to violence.”
“strength is compassion, and patience, trust and faith in one’s self and as shown toward another.”
“it
takes
no
endurance to
inflict
another “rather.... it speaks of great fear.”
assured asked defiantly, “but you’re saying i should have taken pity on the aggressor.... excused his behavior, because the elder, his self, could have been a victim!”
“no,” replied seeker, “the causeless brutalization of another is inexcusable. and whereas responsibility rests within each individual to recognize the source of their hostility ~ to regard them selves honestly and either attempt to change unacceptable behavior or accept the consequences of such ~ the duty rests upon every society to accept such behavior or eradicate its source.”
“eradicate its source? you mean potentially eliminate the elder?”
“yes.” replied seeker.
“but if he was a victim his self, have you no compassion for his needs?” assured felt a surge of righteous superiority at having caught her companion in a seeming trap of his own making.
seeker began, “once there is proof that an individual has violated the autonomy of another individual ~ assumes and takes those rights as theirs ~ then i believe that they have, by virtue of balance, simply exchanged them for their own.... not only in an equitable fashion, but also sometimes in a greater fashion, in order to meet the force of intent.”
“should a society excuse such behavior, that society is in extreme danger of perpetrating the violence of which that society seeks to rid its self.”
“ahhh....” said assured. “but is that not violence, also?”
“yes.” replied seeker. “but it is not without just cause.”
“you just said that a society should not tolerate that kind of violence, though!”
“assured, a society is only as ill as it’s members. when unjustified and causeless violence is tolerated ~ it is accepted, and defines a social norm. one must examine an individual’s need to perpetrate and tolerate, as equally as that of their society. a group of two individuals ~ you and i ~ are a society. a tolerating society which allows its members to perpetrate, is then made its self, of perpetrating members.”
assured persisted. “well, exactly how would you have reacted to the same situation i’ve spoken of? would you or would you not have done as i did?”
seeker replied. “i would have stopped the action of the elder. if he had been insensitive to my plea, as he had been to the needs of the child, i would have taken physical action against the elder ~ turning his anger and aggression toward my self, rather than the child.”
“and if my attempts to enlighten the elder as to his brutality failed, and he resumed his attack on the child, i too, would have physically resumed and would not have left the situation until both the elder and the child had established some kind of calm within them selves.... only then, presenting them selves to alternatives.”
“then you might have eventually pounded the elder?”
“without hesitation.”
“given the nature of superior strength, it is an ultimate responsibility to exercise restraint against the temptation of force, employing other and possibly more effective means of communication.”
“a great deal of information can be gathered by a look, a tone, a position. children, animals, others.... are not beneath verbal, telepathic or visual communication.”
“yes,” replied assured, “but I find a great many elders who are.”
“they, however, are often those who assume that subtleties of communication are beyond either their grasp or the grasp of those with whom they seek to communicate.”
“they are those most often unaware of their own expressions and influences upon others, and others’ influences upon them.”
“the responsibility then lies with the one in a position of control to learn the perceptions, expressions ~ the language of the other being.” offered seeker.
“assured, i find that you have undertaken a tremendous task in defending children and others from brutality.”
“but i should hope that you will employ great awareness and restrain your self, when assessing any new situation ~ exercise prudence and pursue creative alternatives to both their aggression and yours.”
“recall that children particularly, very often have little or no base of comparison.”
“and they may believe brutality to be a normal and expected existence.”
“they naturally desire the love of their elders and seek their acceptance. unconditionally, they may overlook many negative attributes of their elders ~ choosing only to recognize, elaborate and glorify the rarest showing of love they may receive or choose to see in their elders.”
“one must exercise supreme caution then, when avenging children.... for they may perceive their defense as an attack against their beloved elder.”
“to injure the faith of a child is a terrible thing, assured ~ as brutal as any direct, physical violation.”
“we must find always and keep in sight, the sometimes blurry and often shifting line between patience and prudence.”
assured gazed into the darkness ahead.
“this is a responsibility i had not considered before. a great weight that falls upon me, and i’m not sure if i’m prepared.... if i’m capable of restraint.”
“assured, you are capable.” replied seeker. “in your recognition of such weakness, you are taught that you can grow to overcome it. with assurance within, you shall become a true avenger. the weak and innocent depend upon the selfless and self assured acts of those capable of defending them; and, it is the responsibility of us all to avenge the truly weak and innocent.”
“at one time or another, each of us can become harmful or needful or self-seeking. particularly in a society, one of these three entities within us will emerge as a prominent coping mechanism. these mechanisms are rooted in instinct, and serve to define one’s character or position in a group, as well as within our selves.”
“but, we are able to adapt to both the introduction of a stronger influence or the absence of a weaker one. this will either challenge our defining trait, allow another trait to aggressively surface, or further reinforce our existing trait. therefore, each of us ~ embroiled in our chosen and respective personas ~ can, at any one time, be an avenger or an assailant.”
“truly weaker beings are often our most influential teachers. in receiving them with reverence and compassion, we and they shall both grow stronger.”
“we must realize that a weaker being will always attempt a means of gaining some sense of equality. it is wise to respect their need to do so, and not consider every action a threat to our perceived control.”
“we must rather, continually assess the nature of our control over that being ~ and in that way realize, accept and respect their constant need for, and frequent attempts at gaining equality ~ their attempts at aspiring to and nurturing their own self control.”
“there may come a time when you, your self, are a weaker being and in need of an avenger.”
“would you not want that avenger to be as aware as you have become?”
“as a true avenger, you shall become complete ~ not confined to and of the nature of your deeds.... whether they be perceived as ‘good’ deeds or ‘bad’ deeds. you shall become defined, rather.... by the nature of your assurance.”
seeker and assured walked slowly to a large, twisted tree at the near edge of the path and, nestled among the giant winding roots ~ feeling a great sense of security from the soft, reliable glow ~ sat comfortably beneath it.
for a while, they shared a heavy silence laced with unspoken thought and the steady drumming of being.
each pondering the words, the insights of their companion.
finally, assured spoke.
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Love Fear Hate Faith ~ emotion subconsciousness vulnerability strength |
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