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The Path © 1998 by: Cirse Windom
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Restoration ~ perception integration |
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seeker regarded his injury as a welcome consequence designed to assist him with his patience. each footstep, now, was even more carefully considered, more deeply appreciated than before.
although seeker welcomed and accepted the consequences of his actions, seeker felt and acknowledged what he perceived as the aggravating distraction manifest by his pain.
eventually, seeker discovered many substitute distractions which he came to think of as devices of transcendence.
seeker learned to laugh, particularly at his self ~ appreciating error as the humble beginnings of greater insight.
seeker’s own contemplation often offered occasion for mirth; for, seeker was amused that he could become so immersed in concentration as to overlook the obvious. could be so occupied with the nature of holes, that he forgot about falling into them.
once, in an absent moment of reflection, seeker realized suddenly that he had become unaware of his direction. all around seeker lay darkness ~ and seeker was unsure of his relationship to it. “where am i?” seeker asked aloud.
no one answered.... and, for a moment, seeker thought he had unknowingly slipped into the realm he had visited on the battlefield. baffled, seeker looked about for his body.
“i seem to be whole....” seeker said, feeling his arms.
perplexed, seeker looked about, “hmmm.”
he turned to the right. then, turned to the left.
seeker felt an odd recognition overcome him.
slowly, seeker turned and faced behind him, then spun around to where he had been facing.... peering into the darkness ahead.
seeker gazed upward, then beneath his feet.
momentarily, seeker stopped breathing and stood immobile, awed.... for he suddenly realized his location.
“i am center.”
seeker swayed and steadied his self before sitting upon the ground. reeling from this sudden realization, seeker stretched out his right hand, then his left. seeker felt presence before him and behind him, beneath him and above him.... and, within him.
“it is the sphere.... the points.... the seven points of the sphere....”
seeker held the stick into the air. pointed it left and right, forward and back, up and down, then held it still. seeker looked at the stick and saw that, without movement, without being pointed....
the stick too was center.
seeker stood and spun around ~ and realized that regardless of his own position in relation to the sphere.... laying down, standing upon his head.... he was still and would always be center.
and seeker contemplated, for a long while, the centrality of he and the stick and all others within the sphere.
seeker contemplated, also, the centrality of the sphere and realized.... he was as central to the sphere, as much as the sphere was central to he and all others.
seeker and all others were the sphere ~ and the sphere was him. interrelated.... interdependent.
seeker thought of the words of teacher and thought of circles.... a fathomless quantity of many sized circles, loops, intersecting and spinning, and their relationship to other energies ~ complete, but transforming into completeness again, never ending....
perpetuating, like....
the relationship of mind, body and spirit. like the balance of action and reaction.
the influence of will.
the
balance ~ central to wholeness....
as seeker sat wondering of the relationship of the mind, body and spirit, he noticed a moth who, attracted to seeker’s light, had come forth from darkness.... a tiny light scratching it’s way along the ground dragging a damaged wing.
seeker observed as the moth, in seemingly great pain, struggled to near him.
expressing pity toward it, preparing to crush it.... seeker lifted and poised the stick.
something struck seeker though, as he straightened his back and felt pain of his own.
seeker withdrew the stick and considered how his situation was like that of the injured moth.
‘what if some one were to crush me ~ pitying me, offering me a perceived ‘kinder’ sentence of ‘death’ ~ were they able.’
seeker considered reaching to assist the moth....
considered picking it up and keeping it as a pet ~ ‘saving’ it from what seeker perceived as a certain, painful and lingering transformation.
then, seeker considered being diverted his self by the will of another.... kept from his path of seeking.... kept from his being. regardless of the perceived ‘good’ intentions of another.... kept.
there was something in the determination of the small creature that captivated seeker and demanded his abstinence from interference.
gradually, the moth made it’s way to seeker’s side and seemed to comfortably bask in the broad glow of seeker’s light. and seeker, contemplating their similar situations, reveling in the broad mystery this being had brought to share, sat contentedly beside his new companion.
seeker wondered, gazing at the moth, of the purpose of injury or illness.
‘certainly it is brought about by some transfer. made manifest by some other action. this must be so.’ seeker thought.
‘but, why? to accommodate that transfer?’
‘yes that.... but can it be influenced.... manipulated? and how?’
‘can an afflicted individual heal them selves as much from within as from without?’
seeker had seen applications of curative ‘outside’ factors in order to restore a being. the sometimes required invasive manipulation of a whole being in all manner of intervention.
but.... seeker knew that the mind was able to condition its self to reception. seeker knew that the mind was able to heal its self emotionally; for, seeker had done so. found his self from out of fear ~ which was manifest by the influence of an external situation.
and seeker wondered to what extent the body could act to direct the mind.... the mind act to direct the body.
all for the necessary benefit and enrichment of spirit, wisdom, and instinct.
‘perhaps....’ seeker thought, ‘the body ~ imbalanced ~ and of a seemingly separate kind of need can guide and consciously direct an otherwise predisposed mind.’
‘bringing us back to intuition.... facilitating the spherical nature of unity and wholeness.’
seeker saw this concept evidenced in his self. ‘had i not been injured, would i have found cause to examine the spherical nature of existence and my relationship to it?’
‘had i not been injured, would i have found occasion to notice this moth, this particular moth, and consider my reactions and actions toward it? perhaps so, but not in this particular way.’
seeker trusted in his faith enough to accept the notion of fate, and trusted also in particulars.
because seeker knew his own mind to be often predisposed, he believed his injury had brought him to a new perspective.
then seeker wondered: ‘can will drive and direct us toward our coupling?’
seeker realized the moth had found him, and he hadn’t crushed the moth but had shared its light. and seeker realized he had found the moth in order to learn the moth’s lessons.
need seeking sustenance.
a subtly opposed, mutually enriching relationship ~ temporary perhaps, or eternal.... seeker supposed it depended upon the nature of the need, the nature of the sustenance, and the nature of the will.
‘could the mind influence the body ~ to literally, physically guide us ~ employing our physical selves to facilitate a necessary connection. could the body influence and guide the mind?’ seeker pondered.
‘either way....’ seeker concluded. ‘one force is pulling the opposing force or necessary factor toward it ~ as well as pushing it’s own force, in search of the needed factor.’
‘both.... simultaneously.’ he suspected. ‘both ~ in the most efficient and quickest means of facilitating connection.’
‘in this particular instance both, as a means of seeking a method or methods and factors for repairing the body.’
seeker saw his body as an integral component in steering him toward other energies.... saw his injury as a disturbance, or imbalance affecting his unity. an indicator that the physical self, including the instrument of the brain, may be lacking or deficient.
seeker recognized that the spirit and mind must play an integral and equal part in helping the whole of a physical being regain their balance ~ by steering them toward and receiving energies which fulfill their particular need.
because seeker recognized the actions of one influence the existence and actions of another, he wondered, ‘if there were imbalance, then related entities would evidence that effect in their relation and influence upon yet another or other entities.’
‘would not the body respond unto its self likewise? would not the mind? would not all other energies and systems of energy employ their indicating and facilitating mechanisms as well? would not all act as a whole in a similar way?’
‘is that not the nature of energy?’
‘the nature of existence?’
seeker wondered further: ‘if i feel hunger from my body, does not the body motivate its counterpart, the mind, to send me off searching for food? for, without food i am deficient and would thusly, eventually suffer even greater deficiency and discomfort ~ as i have done in the past.’
‘if i hunger for truth, does not my physical self respond by bringing me to my lessons so that the mind may learn?’
‘either way, does not my spirit gain fulfillment, indeed mind and body also? spirit, mind, and body ~ integral receptors and transmitters ~ independent seeming, but functioning as a whole. similar to the ways in which i am able to influence but am equally subject to the influences of the sphere.’ thought seeker.
seeker observed as the moth drug its self away toward some destination, and was glad for not crushing it. he felt happiness that he had provided the moth sustenance, and was grateful for the enrichment brought to him by the moth.
seeker considered the effects of hunger and again employed abstinence as one of his most accessible and immediately manipulated means, in the attainment of his enlightenment.
in honor of the seven points of the sphere, for seven days, seeker abstained from eating food, attempting to see if the mind would guide the body or if the body would guide the mind, and which would possess the greater influence in encouraging him to obtain nutriment.
for his period of intense restoration, seeker elected a wild area near a rushing stream which seemed secluded from other humans.
seeker waded through the cool shallows toward a boulder which lay in the middle of its course.
once upon the rock, seeker found a comfortable position and sat for a short while.
at each pang, seeker felt either his mind or body influence the other, but the other subdue his need.
resisting the urge to nurture his hunger, seeker sought to turn his interest and concentration toward some other objective.
initially seeker had sat facing into the current.... but, felt his being pushed by the direction of the water and sensed a harsh degree of discomfort which he attributed to his inability to negotiate the opposing of such force with a weakened constitution.
seeker saw that such a position could eventually assist him in regaining a sense of strength, but because he was currently uncomfortable with such distractions, he elected to turn and face in the direction of the current’s flow.
in this position, seeker felt a wondrous sense of cleansing.... as if he were traveling with the current and the waters from the stream were within him ~ carrying him.
seeker found this to be very relaxing and quickly discovered the sound and feel of rushing water beneath and within him eased his pain and contributed to a feeling of comfort and wholeness.
seeker felt cradled.... protected.... at ease.
from the breeze which had begun to blow, seeker inhaled the scent of damp earth and recognized the earth within him.
the air and breeze within him.
and seeker felt the warmth of life about him, upon his being.
warming him.... calming him.... throughout.
seeker felt an overwhelming yet fulfilling sense of contentment from his receptive acknowledgment of the position of the boulder within the stream ~ and a deep sense of clarity and certainty from his exact and carefully considered position and placemen upon the boulder.
he marveled at the receptive impact ~ the sensed consequential reaction of each seemingly imperceptible motion from all of life including his self ~ which seeker interpreted as the essential rhythm of being.
knowing one’s self and place.... completely.
accepting one’s self and place.... precisely.
acknowledging the influence of others and their place.... compassionately.
and, from this nurtured awareness ~ seeker consciously strengthened his subtle, specific and mutually enriching relationship toward all beings.
seeker strove each moment to discover and delight in natural phenomena and had collected many sensual perceptions of his environment and knowledge of his place therein. seeker harbored and consciously nurtured memories of many soothing experiences.... which he recalled, sitting upon the rock.
consciously and completely, seeker opened each of his senses to his environment, inviting a flood of recollections to pour forth into seeker’s conscious awareness.
seeker listened to the rushing water and the unexpected sharp chirp of a bird.... reveled.... in a sudden gust of wind.... and suddenly recalled....
the breathless awe he had once experienced while sheltering from and observing a wildly raging mountain thunder storm.
remembered the scent of soft rain and moist pine needles upon a shadowed forest floor he had once wandered within...
recalled the bright taste of a drop of dew poised at the tip of a new spring leaf....
and the first tantalizing bite of a wild ripe strawberry.
he breathed deeply and recalled the invigoration of a damp and salty evening breeze from the sea....
the cool, smoothly textured curve of a tortoise’s shell....
the gentle massage of warm sand through his fingers....
and the mesmerizing warmth and comfort of a small snapping fire....
seeker realized each sensation the path had at one time or another provided was able to trigger subtle reflections of his past contentments, pulling such experiences forth from memory and layering new sensations upon them with each new, calm and splendored perception.
each sensation provided by the path ~ the knowing and being of wind, water, earth and fire ~ soothed seeker and brought him to feel more present and participant toward all.... toward each transforming moment.... toward his restoration, in a way like never before.
once.... seeker immersed his self in a nearby pool occurring along the course of the stream. exploring his relationship to the liquid ~ seeker studied his reflection, contemplated the rippled concentric patterns manifest by his every movement, floated, submerged, and attempted to drink water from beneath the surface.
because seeker found that water lent a welcome buoyancy which greatly relieved his pain and allowed him to gradually strengthen the muscles of his back, seeker spent much time.... even beyond the seven abstaining days, submerged.
seeker observed the numerous other beings who dwelt within the pool and the numerous other beings which came to the pool for sustenance.
seeker found great pleasure in the observation of these beings; for, because of their fragile dependency and certainty of place, they reminded him of his fragile dependency and certainty of equal place within the sphere.
occasionally, seeker positioned his self near the point where the stream fed the pool. either facing the stream or against the stream, seeker rested and allowed his self to be gently pushed within the pool along the current. the steady, sure motion of the waters lent seeker a calm feeling of certainty.
once,
seeker adopted the position of a dandelion seed within the water. aligning
himself vertically with his arms outstretched from his side, his
palms down upon the water’s surface. here he hung motionless in the deep
pool, immersed in the cool liquid as much as he was in his breathing and
subtle adjustments to remain with his face above the water. here he felt
cradled by the embracing water, reminded continually of his fragile
relationship to it and similarly to the broader world he occupied.
many
times, seeker simply relaxed within the pool and floated upon his back,
studying the flickering stars above, finding shapes and building stories
around the shapes he saw. the longer he pondered, seeker began to wonder if the tiny lights were actually beneath him rather than above, and whether he was actually lying upon his belly, when watching them.
once, when studying his reflection, seeker noticed and pulled a seemingly drown dragonfly from the surface of the pool. though the dragonfly appeared to be well on its way toward transformation, seeker pulled it forth anyway and, carrying it with him to the boulder in the stream, lay the being for a while beside him where he sat.
gently, seeker held the being in his palm, and gradually the dragonfly began to respond to seeker’s breath upon its wings. finally, the dragonfly rose and departed for the rushes along the water’s edge.
seeker realized that although one may perceive an event at its seemingly final stages.... like the seeming drowning of a dragonfly, or the seeming end of a stream into a pool.... like the dropping of a seed from a withered stalk of grain.... though one may first simply see a reflection of one’s self upon a pool of water, or recognize only our selves among the stars....
there was, as teacher had once suggested, always more within what is initially perceived. and seeker concluded....
‘nothing is ever one dimensional.’
‘all
entities must be regarded unto them selves
once.... seeker stretched out beneath a tree and attempted to lie perfectly still. seeker held his breath in order to reduce his movement and realized he was able to hold his breath longer and longer with each attempt.
when he believed he could no longer hold air within his lungs, seeker realized by expelling his lungs completely he was able to go for a longer period without breathing. and seeker found that he was able to employ this skill under water with great effectiveness.
in this way seeker experimented with his limitations and discovered how to gradually, respectfully transcend or accept them.
once.... seeker sat and repeated aloud his name over and over and over. at first, seeker did so because he thought his name sounded odd and wondered who decided how to form the sounds which could be interpreted as a reflection of his character.
seeker enunciated, trying to find meaning within the sound.... his curiosity intrigued by the social need to communicate: “seeker, seeker, seeker, seeker....”
then, with a slower rhythm and steady tone, seeker repeated his name over and over for a long while. “seeker.... seeker.... seeker.... seeker.... seeker.... seeker.... seeker....”
gradually, seeker found his mind slipping into some other kind of awareness. a kind of lull in his conscious recognition, and he realized he had forgotten his name entirely.
seeker remembered the word, but had completely forgotten his association. the word sounded odd, and seeker could not bring his self to recall what the word meant.
after a short while, seeker remembered his association ~ but only after he had forgotten about trying to.
seeker found this phenomenon fascinating and tested the effect on other words ~ all with the same result.
seeker discovered the steady, predictable nature of such repetition was similar to the sounds and motions of rushing water, the sounds of rain and blowing wind.
seeker noticed his heartbeat and laughter, the pounding of his feet or hands, his weeping or humming were also similar.
and seeker wondered, ‘all existence, all energy must have motion.’
‘like water rushing, leaves upon trees blowing, moths walking, cooling or warming temperatures enveloping.... all existence possesses rhythm.... pulse.’
‘simply because i am unable to comprehend or measure many movements which indicate the presence of ‘life’, doesn’t negate such a presence. all existence must move, at differing velocities and intensities, relative only to one another.’
‘repetitive.... pattern like, over relative time.’
‘as such, what may appear to me to be quite still may actually, from a differing perspective of one possessing a differing speed, be moving quite fast ~ so fast, as to appear still. and what appears to me to be moving rapidly ~ may from a differing perspective appear to be moving quite slowly. all....simply vibrating... attracting and repelling at varying and relative degrees.’
seeker began to notice the lulling, calming effects or anxious, stimulating effects produced by such vibrations around and within him.
he realized the repetition of patterns.... like ripples upon the pool, his emotional reaction to color vibrations and other surrounding velocities equally affected him. and seeker realized then, that emotion must also possess vibration, and that emotion and perception were also influences upon his being, his wellness, his balance.
and he wondered, ‘illnesses or imbalances, then, must possess their own vibrations, velocities and intensities ~ seeking a means of transfer within a receptive and perhaps weakened other being.’
‘since i am a being also of vibration, velocity and intensity, then such vibrations must exert supreme influence upon me, upon one another, and consequently one’s restoration or healing.... one’s whole being.’
‘perhaps the extent of being, even in physical form is simply vibration.... magnetism.’
‘if one were able to neutralize, conduct or out-intensify such vibrations ~ either within the afflicted being, outside of the afflicted being.... either by manipulating the being them selves or the afflicting entity ~ resulting in the realignment of vibrations into balance, then there would be less cause for malady.’
‘less occurrence of imbalance.’
during seeker’s time of deprivation, he began to recognize a similarity between the broader reality he was beginning to become aware of and the nature of his dreams. seeker had become so driven ~ so consciously focused upon identifying and explaining his inclinations and suspicions, that seeker found his self subconsciously exploring as well.
seeker found each time he slept, he dreamed elaborate and insightful dreams which he sought to recall and interpret upon waking into consciousness. each time seeker neared a sleeping state he tried even from that moment.... and then, within a dream, to recall his conscious mind and conscious awareness.
gradually, by honing such awareness, as seeker gained a greater sense of presence, he developed also.... a sense of influence.
seeker began to gain the ability to consciously explore the subjects and activities of his dreams while dreaming, and realized they often were related to and reflected recent contemplations and fascinations or old unresolved concerns ~ usually doubts.
seeker began to perceive that ancient knowledge lay deeply within the chambers of memory, influencing intuition....
surfacing only without preconceived rationale which served to confine, distort or negate such a presence.
seeker came to believe that dreams were simply another means for the integral being to surpass predisposed inclinations ~ the beliefs and assumptions, the judgments and definitions of the mind ~ in order to facilitate a wholler awareness of being.
considering this new insight, seeker pondered many of his early dreams and recalled a period long ago when he dreamed repeatedly of holes and snakes and darkness.
seeker was certain that such elements represented his fear of the unknown ~ were recognizable, tangible symbols of the abstract and ancient notion of fear and confinement.
he recognized the ability of a tangible fear to be representative of an abstract fear.... an abstract fear, representative of a tangible fear ~ and, recalled that at the time, he possessed a fear of all.... both the physical and abstract elements.
seeker recalled that his fearful subconscious and often symbolic manifestations ceased only after he had relinquished his fears of such concepts as well as his fear of their actual dream or other forms of presence.
in fact, his once fearful symbols had gradually taken on new symbolism and representation.
darkness had begun to indicate for seeker a realm of possibility, a realm of unknown potential. now, when darkness was present in seeker’s dreams, he was comforted by the familiar presence of constant uncertainty and the endless possibilities darkness represented for exploration.
the presence of holes had come to represent a kind of pending or welcome solitude and opportunity for reflection.
and snakes were hailed as integral and essential beings of the sphere, reminding seeker of his place, encouraging his close examination of perceived threat.
gradually, seeker began to realize that as long as he was unable to recognize and accept his fears.... to recognize and accept his true and whole relationships, his dreams continually manifest changing symbolic or representative entities and circumstances which sparked his reaction ~ reaction meant to make such fear or associations recognizable.
elated with this new discovery, seeker excitedly awaited dream time, anxiously anticipating what new mystery of the self, what potentially complex perspective his subconscious mind would present ~ and how he might come to manipulate and guide his participation.
seeker found that in influencing the course of his dreams, the insight gained during his dream experience seemed more permanent in his mind, more readily consciously accessible and lent tremendously to the strengthening of his faith.
seeker reveled in each new dream experience; for, each was a new adventure and always an intricate display of his emotion, knowledge, and nature.
once.... while dozing near the stream, seeker slipped into a dream state. he was pleased to see his self in his physical being and awaited to see in what direction his subconscious would lead.
suddenly, seeker saw his body halved.
disturbed but fascinated, he tried to peer ever closer with his conscious sense of presence ~ which seemed to linger separate from his dream presence, or his halved self.
rapidly the two halves, glowing from inner light, repelled from him, and seeker watched as they disappeared farther and farther away, farther and farther apart from one another into darkness.
seeker noticed the farther away they drew ~ or the farther away he drew.... seeker couldn’t really discern ~ the less defined and more round in appearance they became.
finally, the two greatly distant halves appeared as two small, round, glowing entities ~ pulsating far apart from one another.
seeker was stunned at this new revelation, and his excitement grew as he anxiously awaited the next moment.
curiously, consciously.... even in dream state.... seeker wondered, ‘all objects, then, must seem round from far enough away. of course.’ seeker was stunned he hadn’t been able to realize such an evident observation before.
then, the two halves seemed to suddenly approach one another as well as seeker, gaining momentum with his each flicker of thought, each impulse of reactive inclination.... until among all three dream entities occurred a tremendous and explosive collision.
seeker, feeling as though he had again been plucked from the path, jerked violently awake and excitedly began to recall his experience.
seeker concluded, at least momentarily, that the two halves represented the dualistic nature of existence ~ which he had been recently contemplating.
also, seeker suspected they represented what he saw as a physical imbalance within him.... not only with regard to his injury, but also regarding seeker’s deprivation of nutriment and the apparent, resultant disassociation from body and mind.
as the two halves drew away from him, as well as from one another, seeker had been able to recognize the spherical nature of existence, regardless of seeming appearances, and the need of two entities to connect with one another ~ to couple. again, a concept he had been recently contemplating.
seeker placed his hands together as two like, yet opposing halves, then separated them with palms facing his self, and drew them apart in the manner of his sense of dream being.
the farther away they drew, the less defined and more round they appeared. seeker drew them together and brought them to rest upon his chest.
‘perhaps...’ seeker thought, ‘our universe is like my hands and my self and our earth. halveable and seemingly linear only in near proximity.... perspective.’
‘from a distant perspective, then.... could there be no end to the sphere?’
‘all ~ just components of an incomprehensibly massive whole, as relative only to our perspective, as to one another?’
with regard to seeker’s new insight, he visualized the process of implosion and explosion teacher had spoken of.
seeker rotated his hands over and over one another in the air as he slowly spun his body in a full circle while moving his body along the outline of a larger circle which he imagined spun also and rotated around yet greater circles.... in an infinitely concentric pattern.
then, seeker crouched and drew a representation of his thought in the mud near the pool.
seeker first drew a circle, then created dimension by drawing a small dot near the top, as if the sphere were tilted slightly toward him.
seeker then drew lines of directional energy flow emanating from out of the dot.
in-between these lines.... approaching from the bottom of the sphere.... seeker drew other lines of opposing directional energy.
he studied this representation for a long while.
‘perhaps.... in order to facilitate both implosion and explosion, both compression and expansion.... in order to facilitate perpetuation.... the sphere, meaning all existence, could accommodate like and opposing forces simultaneously, harnessing the energies of both repulsion and attraction, in such a way which generates motion from within ~ forcing energy outward with sufficient force to pull energy back inward, compressing under and creating pressure sufficient to propel energy outward again.... and on.... and on. infinitely spinning in all directions....’
‘perpetually....’ seeker pondered.
‘but.... what of the origins of such perpetual motion?’
‘if energy cannot cease, then how could it begin?’
seeker wondered what influencing factor or event might have originated energy in the first place, but felt reasonably certain it must be of a dualistic nature ~ whatever the influence. ‘if simultaneous implosion and explosion can occur. if attraction and repulsion can co-exist, then surely.... there is somewhere an explanation for a source with no beginning.’
‘but.... what then, drives such perpetual motion?’
seeker thought again of his dream and further concluded that as his two halves rushed upon him and collided, they were reaffirming seeker’s faith within his self, his purpose and relationship with all entities.... seeker’s sense of intuition and will.
‘certainly there are factors of pressure and velocity, temperature and magnetism, size, weight and gravity which act to influence perpetuation, but perhaps will is of equal influence. perhaps will is of these ~ as these are of will.’
he perceived that the speed with which the two halves rushed upon him was due to the fact that his dream experience only confirmed what he already suspected and there was no need for lingering episodes.
‘or.... is it about my fear of pointlessness? and speed simply facilitated an undeniable, inescapable realization of that fear.’
seeker readily acknowledged that an absence of purpose was a persistent and unresolved concept, leaving him vulnerable to doubt and related fear.
‘perhaps the abstract notion of speed is symbolic of my fear of wasting much of this existence in discovering my truth.’
‘or wasting much of my truth in discovering my existence.’
‘perhaps.... like the dream suggests, the two are inseparable.’
seeker realized every dream possessed infinite possible symbolic value, and he knew dreams were as replete with hidden meaning as they were with initially perceived obvious conclusion.
seeker made a practice, then, of gathering into his most readily accessible conscious memory, for future reflection, the most impressive and complex of his dream experiences, which seeker found also occasionally revisited him in dream state.
once, as seeker sat contemplating the spherical nature of being, the transfer of energies which comprise existence, and the recent dream which he still found very compelling, seeker drew his hands together touching his palms. he drew his feet together, then succeeded with great effort to bring his head to touch his feet. in this position seeker felt an odd sensation ~ as if his own energy were flowing back into his body, rather than flowing outwardly.
seeker placed his feet, then his palms, then his head upon the ground. in this position, seeker felt his body receiving and transferring energies from the earth. seeker lay on his back, closed his eyes, spread his limbs outward as far as they could stretch, and projected his self outwardly, downwardly spinning. seeker lay facing the earth and projected his self spinning outwardly upward.
experimenting with the nature and flows of energy, seeker placed his fingertips together, or placed them upon various areas of his body. seeker felt flows of energy pass through and saw trails of color emanate from his fingertips into or along those certain areas.
seeker noticed that when he felt a hunger pang it was often first indicated by the presence of a pain near his shoulder.
and seeker began to consider that various areas in the body corresponded to other areas ~ and that if one afflicted area upon or within a being was inaccessible, then perhaps by isolating a corresponding area the affliction could be manipulated.
thusly, seeker discovered that by physically manipulating, by lightly touching, massaging or pressing upon the area of his shoulder, his stomach pain subsided.
seeker visualized receiving seemingly extrinsic energies through his hands in an effort to bring them into his body, as well as receiving afflicted energies from within his body into his hands so that he may cast them outward.
seeker felt a subtle resistance between motion.... the subtlest between slow motions.... the most obvious resistance between rapid motion. seeker thrust his hands over his body without touching his skin and felt the sensation that his near fields of energy were being disrupted by such action ~ as if momentarily scattered then allowed to properly realign.
‘similar to splashing in a pool, or damming the flow of a stream.’ thought seeker. ‘the waters momentarily disrupted, but ultimately able to realign ~ the ability of energy to be fluid.’
seeker experimented with his senses by closing his eyes and attempting to discern his near environment without the benefit of sight. blocked his hearing, and attempted to discern without that benefit also. attempted separately, to discern without the benefit of touch or taste or scent, or even intuition.
likewise, seeker limited his physical abilities and, for awhile, relied upon external means of mobility.
seeker further and for a while, abstained from sleep as a means of discovering a respectful appreciation for and knowledge of his dependency upon such an activity.
seeker realized that the absence of a sense or ability not only generated greater awareness and appreciation of the lacking sense or ability, but a greater awareness of and appreciation for the remaining available senses or abilities.
he discovered that although a lack of intuitional awareness forced a greater dependency upon immediate experience, abstinence from that experience could also facilitate awareness as to its necessity.
just as seeker’s mind could generate thought, or seeker’s hand could lift food to his mouth so that through his body seeker could receive other energy sources to meet his need and sustain seeker’s balance, seeker realized he and his receptive and transmitting abilities, including all his senses and abilities of visualization, faith and belief ~ were devices useful to his own healing, were.... depending upon how they were regarded or employed, either potentially beneficial or detrimental factors influencing seeker’s sense of well being.
once.... seeker attempted to will a leaf to jump the stick he had brought from the battlefield. seeker also attempted to will the stick to jump the leaf.
with great concentration, seeker studied both subjects, together.
with great concentration he studied first one then the other, separately.
seeker discovered that by staring for a long while, he was able to see lights, shapes, movements ~ a sense of presence he had never before noticed.
although seeker was initially aggravated he could not initially influence the will of the stick or the leaf by his own will ~ seeker finally realized that he had no true need to do so.
seeker saw that his own doubt was driving him to manipulate the being of another.
within his self, seeker knew this to be in error and against his notion of honor.
subconsciously, he resisted this potential ability recognizing it to be willfully oppressive ~ a violation of another’s being.... for no greater purpose than to substantiate one’s faith.
for this, seeker sorrowed greatly and apologized to the leaf and stick.
seeker sensed that the leaf and stick ~ maintaining an awareness of their own faith ~ empathized and excused his transgression, glad for his greater awareness. seeker also felt reassured that should a justifiable need arise, they could be requested like any other entity to assist.... and may sympathetically do so.
gradually, seeker began to discover that a wealth of potential awareness lay just beyond his conventional, willing perception. from all seeker’s past and recent experiences, including his deprivation of food, seeker gained an awareness that his perceptions were often defined through association, comparison, familiarity ~ and thus.... confined to those existing and identifiable parameters creating the precarious and often self limiting environment of expectation..
seeker realized also, when he employed his self, his experiences, his society, his species as the most accessible means of standard comparison, then he excluded his self, experience, society and species ~ to differing degrees and even utterly ~ from receiving and appreciating the diversity of existence essential to harmony.
by forgetting the various parameters associated with defining his perceptions, and nurturing greater faith in possibility, seeker was able to transcend his limited perceptions. then.... after identifying a particular existence or seeming truth, seeker was able to add his awareness of it to the defining parameters of his perceptions ~ thus, expanding his significantly subjective conception of reality. again, however, seeker found he had to forget those very same broadened perceptions when attempting to transcend them.
seeker recognized his deprivation, the pain caused by his injury, and his fear of purposelessness manifest different sources of pressure ~ urgent needs to transcend. and from these, seeker was able to more rapidly integrate his reception. only then, seeker discovered, was he able to further receive entities in a more wholistic way.
as teacher had said, seeker’s need or pressure was acting as a catalyst for more rapid integration ~ and this time, seeker believed the exchange to be in an acceptably equitable way. seeker saw that patience could help him be more aware of those subtle and sometimes rapid and powerful connections which facilitated ever greater awareness.
‘in sensing, in realizing the interrelated, interdependent relationships of all energies.... by comparing and contrasting similarities and differences simultaneously, we nurture a greater, deeper, wider, awareness ~ that grows increasingly steadier and more constant with each time we employ our awareness and devices of facilitating those connections.’ thought seeker.
‘even that process in and of its self is spherical.’
seeker delighted in applying this insight toward the speed symbolism within his dream of division and collision, and compared his new found insights with those he had gained while searching for his self, in order to explain his guilt and which had resulted in seeker discovering the means through which he was able to trace his fear and reactions because of such a presence.
in realizing the interrelated nature of existence, seeker became able to essentially map his transcendence from one relative factor to another ~ within his self and in relation to other entities.
his
mind, body and spirit
seeker sought to consciously recall such means of travel, realizing that all were paths shadowed by rationalization, justification, devices of distraction, measurement and definition.
were paths in jeopardy of being shrouded behind a tangle of often seemingly impenetrable information ~ facts amassed externally and placed like a framework upon impulses of sensing for the purposes of guiding ‘knowledge’.
from this new realization, seeker saw that ignorance could be potentially beneficial to true learning.
knowledge, potentially detrimental.
for, seeker believed such paths of knowing were already quite logically in place and awaited only conscious discovery, through the innocence of ignorance, passions of awareness and curiosity, and the evident findings of relative personal experience....
....paths of knowing that rarely benefited singularly from the preconditioned and sometimes disassociated expectations of external education.
paths which would lead him further inward, and thus outward.
seeker realized these were the paths of intuition. forged by one’s senses or instincts, illuminated by one’s awareness ~ made accessible by one’s faith.
continually, seeker revisited and thusly maintained those paths which brought him ever closer to sensing.... to realizing.... to comprehending simultaneously, the whole of existence.
seeker depended upon greater and greater will to consciously resist his need to eat, but with the passage of every moment, seeker felt somehow more aware than before of his quest ~ more receptive to other energies not previously experienced ~ other energies which seemed to meet with and strengthen his spirit, ushering other needs beyond his manageably immediate need for sustenance.
and seeker began to believe that, again ~ this awareness was initially brought about by his seeming need for sustenance. his body and mind and spirit facilitating his learning.... his coupling with the origins of his truth.
by the end of his period of abstinence, seeker was convinced that energies of all.... mind, body and spirit, were equally able to influence and enrich or potentially, through denial, devastate one another. the physical was not exclusive of the mental or spiritual. none, exclusive of any other.
satisfied with his finding, seeker quickly sought some one to eat.
he soon came across a beetle he had never seen ~ but, because the beetle looked similar to those he had eaten before, seeker gratefully thanked it for its gift of life, then popped the bug into his mouth and munched it thoughtfully.
not long after, seeker began seeing visions of fantastic wonders: his self, stretched and distorted, swirling in a seemingly other realm, shadowed images hovering, slithering, lurking, flashes of light and explosions of color.
some time later seeker awoke sweating with a tremendous headache.
immediately seeker looked for another bug.
he found one, thanked it for its gift, ate half of it, and again.... experienced a feeling of dwelling in a separate realm. again, seeker experienced flashes of light, shadowed figures and explosions of color. again, seeker experienced his self as some other form, unrecognizable and what seeker perceived to be a more visually integral component of swirling energies.
seeker felt more in control this time and reveled at this new and mysterious discovery. with great concentration, seeker attempted to remember each subconscious experience ~ so that upon waking, he would be able to compare, sort out and identify his new knowledge.
gradually, the effects diminished, and seeker was able to recall much of his experience.
seeker experimented with different quantities of the bug and realized that by eating only a quarter of the bug, he could achieve a great level of relaxation and go for a time without the pain caused by his injury.
eventually, seeker learned to completely recall much of his experiences associated with ingesting the beetle, learned to assess his emotion and sense of self during such times and replicate similar experiences within his self, within his mind, without the aid of the bug.
seeker found the experience similar to the experience he had on the battlefield when he found his self outside of his body. in order to replicate such experiences, seeker found he had to consciously forget his common perceptions, transcend his physical needs of comfort or sustenance, ignore distractions and withdraw into his being in such a way that he became ultra aware of various energies around and within him.
essentially, seeker had to ironically ignore the demands of his physical body and consciously strive to strengthen his abilities to receive so that he may absorb the required energies necessary to wholistic balance. to simply and without question, suspicion or judgment.... be.
seeker found this to be a wonderfully simple and effective means of strengthening his faith ~ and, in practicing this technique, seeker learned to greatly overcome his distractions of pain.... both physical and emotional.... and learned to nurture and strengthen his capacity for compassion.
seeker began to realize the virtue of regarding others from their perspective, respecting their particular need, and particular fear in association with seeker’s presence.
from this greater awareness of and capacity for compassion, seeker saw he was able to potentially relieve others’ pain as well as his own.
though bound by physical form, seeker reveled in his attempts at transcendence.
through a sense of heightened perception produced by and because of his more integrated sense of participation in each instant of his existence, seeker realized transcendence to be ~ in another sense, simple acceptance.
for, he had learned that as long as one was content to deny possibilities or potential realities ~ until one acknowledged the potential existence of a factor or entity ~ one would be unable to accept and therefore attempt to transcend such an influence.
seeker also found that possessing a lack of faith in his ability to heal his self, or by concentrating on the potential degradation or discomfort of his particular imbalance.... he effectively blocked potential channels of transcendence, greatly frustrated intuition, and consciously obstructed efforts of his mind, body and spirit to receive other energies ~ including one another as sources of fulfillment ~ integrate one another and achieve balance.
seeker learned, during his time of restoration, to see his self consciously, as he had in his experience with the bug, as he had been on the battlefield.... whole, integral and balanced.
this seemed to facilitate a more balanced and contented sense of being within seeker; so, he consciously strove to visualize, recognize and actualize his self without pain.... without injury.
still though, seeker, physically embodied and subject to physical distractions, occasionally felt great pain from his injury.
and he had come to realize the first step in healing was to accept the injury for what it was. it was not in need of seeker’s constant appraisal. nor would the injury be completely and forever ignored.
the injury was, like any other influence, simply there, and seeker accepted it initially by acknowledging the injury’s presence ~ without inflecting toward it seeker’s perceptions and expectations of how the injury ought to exist and behave.
seeker regarded his injury as an imbalance or disturbance and affecting his unity.... but not destroying his unity.
for, seeker saw the injury as contributing in a different sense to his wholeness.
contributing as an essential part of his being by providing an undeniably ever present challenge of transcendence or acceptance.
seeker felt should he elect not to surrender to the injury ~ to instead accept it, integrate it and attempt to co-exist....
seeker was achieving for his self a kind of integrated compensation.
because seeker knew the bug he had ingested to be beneficial to his well being, in relieving him of some degree of pain and therefore, mentally as well as physically facilitating his healing.... seeker collected several bugs, dried them, powdered them and carried them with him in a small pouch.
seeker realized that, because of the nature of existence, there must be a naturally occurring and present means of influencing whatever may come to afflict one.
because he was able to preserve the bug.... seeker wondered of the future.... and of the past.
he had seen rampant decimation of certain beings ushered by the hatred, greed, ignorance and laziness of other beings ~ and so wondered, ‘if within this bag, i have collected the last of this particular kind of bug. if by collecting the last of them, i have taken and decimated the final pair necessary for reproduction, and still in the present i suffer from pain.... what shall i do in the future to insure that the needed factors are still present for my healing?’
‘if i am able to preserve these bugs, then what else from the past may be preserved then resurrected, introducing malady for which the present has no curative or neutralizing factor?’
seeker recalled his initial reaction to the bug and considered that an over consumption of any potentially sustaining factor must result in a degree of poisoning. ‘this must be the natural mechanism employed to deter greed and abuse. the natural and inherent mechanism to insure even distribution.’
seeker had recognized this same principal evidenced in the decimation of entire other deposits, populations and species ~ which resulted on a larger scale of the poisoning of the interrelationships of other interdependent deposits, populations and species.
seeker had seen that abundance could be extracted in toxic quantities and replaced in toxic quantities within the whole of the path.... as well as within each being.
‘ironically,’ thought seeker, ‘only by being utterly available and wholistically aware within each present moment, could one be aware and gain a clear perspective of the potential for past or future.’
seeker realized even if one were able to preserve and reintroduce from the past into the present a physical being able to reproduce and propagate, the culture of that being would be lost, and much of the knowledge transmitted from physical being to physical being through shared experience would also be lost.
thus, the being would be in potential jeopardy of failing to thrive based upon an elusive sense of self, sense of place, purpose and relationship to all existence.... based upon a loss of the ability to efficiently, effectively integrate.
seeker had seen this happen
seeker realized his own potential for decimation and was ever careful not to desecrate the origins of any being ~ and, aware of his potential, careful not to upset the balance of the sphere with his potential resentment, greed, ignorance or laziness.
seeker saw that when anything was made too easy or readily available, he didn’t appreciate the struggle for attainment.
he abused the abundance.
seeker had seen beings, other than humans, abuse abundance also ~ and thought it curious that nature seemed to allow this.
again, seeker felt plagued with doubts of his faith.
his light flickered, and seeker once again withdrew within his self.
somehow, seeker knew that awareness was essential.
somehow, he retained faith that awareness was the way to enlightenment.
whether or not all energies were equal ~ he knew he must strive for enlightenment ~ but wondered why.
more than ever before, seeker sought the source of his faith ~ for his faith was undeniable within.
seeker knew then.... there must be a source.
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Art Self Expression Self Perception ~ inspiration symbolism manifestation |
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Gift of Everlasting Cheer | Tide Pool
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Can You See What I See |
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