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Excerpt: "From Conflict to Compromise in David and Goliath Negotiations" |
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Together with words, verbal communication involves inflection, emotional association, the perception of your audience, the context of discussion, and the physical accompaniment of your delivery -- or body language. In negotiations, communication takes on greater significance as a joint endeavor, so, you’ll want to account for these attributes of communication and create opportunities to share the floor in designing your conversational exchange.
This article
illuminates the realm of communication in a way which relates your
verbal presentation to your negotiation objectives, and demonstrates
eighteen techniques to improve your chances of persuading your opponent
through the precise and appropriate use of language as well as other
communication skills which are largely absent from the bulk of informal,
daily interactions.
Eighteen Keys to Clear
Communication The Negotiation Environment 1) Prepare and tend an environment of anticipated accord. The assumption that you and your opponent’s negotiation will eventually draw to a successful close encourages you to prepare and nurture an advance environment of civility and respect. This produces an atmosphere more conducive to direct communication which aids in achieving a cooperative solution. 2) Avoid excessive, casual table talk. Courtesy, politeness, and even a bit of small talk, when there is a personal history with your adversary, is appropriate and may put parties at ease by establishing a calm tone and expectations of good faith. However, table talk can get you off point, burn valuable time and easily lead to slips of strategy, levers and vulnerabilities. Chatting during negotiations introduces what amounts to verbal static into your conversation acting to insulate the recipient from clear meaning. It can further interfere with the emotional weight of your delivery. Unless this is your intent, it’s better to curb the impulse to ‘visit’, beyond a congenial introduction and buffering the next advance into a new topic of discussion. In complicated corporate negotiations, probably every topic of mutual conversation is connected in one way or another to a valuable cause or effect which may be best left unsaid. You don’t want your adversary finding their way to your core defense through connected conversational threads. Everything you say in negotiations should have a carefully weighed purpose and point. In order to help you resist the urge toward “friendly” conversation, remember to keep your sentences short and direct, each ideally addressing one or two key points at a time. 3) Enable the free exchange of inquiry. Allow and encourage your opponent to ask questions, and actively pursue them yourself. Asking questions and listening to the response is at the heart of isolating controversial issues and seeking resolution. Use of Language 4) Choice of words. Your choice of words will carry great weight and bring conscious intent to negotiation discussions. Too little attention is paid to how use of language communicates important ideas. Few people, during the course of inconsequential conversation, bother to consider the appropriate vocabulary when communicating a point. In most dialogues, it is widely assumed that the recipient of discourse is familiar enough with the context of discussion and its source to dispense with specific vocabulary in an effort to formally convey meaning. This is usually acceptable among friends, family, and close associates; however, in a negotiations environment, you must assume, on one hand, that your adversary is diligently familiar with your situation, but, on the other hand, you cannot take for granted that this is fact. Assuming your opponent is familiar with your situation can lead you to relax your delivery to the point of causing confusion. Underestimating what your opponent knows about your situation can undermine your defense and strategy. Under these conditions, it’s easy to see how, even in a formal situation, the habit of casual communication can infiltrate and undermine your true intentions and those of your adversary, leading to miscommunication and resulting in confusion, frustration and false objections. In a well-prepared negotiation, you have an opportunity to anticipate potential topics of discussion and their associated verbalized questions, objections, concerns and concessions. Yet, as we participate in the abstract complexities of conversation, our thoughts can run ahead of or behind our verbal expressions. This can lead us to say “Yes.” when we really mean, “Maybe, under these conditions…” Such a slip can produce unintended consequences and cause everyone to backtrack over resolved territory in an effort to clarify the issue. This backtracking action, itself, causes greater complications and can generate a whole new wave of frustration and objection – not to mention waste everyone’s time. When communicating a key point, make sure your choice of words reflects precisely what it is you mean to say. 5) Use of tone. Tone carries tremendous inflection and, whether subtle or obvious, invites at least two levels of misinterpretation. First, your opponent can interpret your tone as meaning something other than you intended. Second, depending upon how your opponent translates your emotional tone, whether correctly or incorrectly, they will then infer meaning from what they have interpreted. In other words, you may intend your tone to sound empathetic. The recipient may perceive it to be mocking. In receiving it so, they will then freely associate all related assumptions within that context, including personal history, common experience and perception. This twice removes you from your intent – too far for comfortable retraction, particularly when the inflection is subtle, and asking for clarity becomes awkward for the recipient. This can result in your opponent internalizing a potentially false perception you won’t be aware of; yet, will find yourself addressing in one way or another, and perhaps atoning for, throughout the course of remaining conversation. 6) Awareness of emotion Experiencing emotion is as natural as breathing. So much so, that we often take its existence for granted. Others, may be so acutely aware of it, they strive to entomb it. While I personally prefer to mitigate my own emotion during negotiation, such an act may not be easily achieved by others. If you tend toward the dramatic, instead of fighting your emotions and potentially conveying an artificially stilted demeanor, it may be in your interest to either appoint a spokesperson, or simply enlighten your opponent as to your commonly portrayed emotional reactions. If you are amicable with your opponent, this may be achieved rather easily. Emotional reactions need not be considered ill-fated. In fact, they can be beneficial in realizing how topics of discussion interfere with forward momentum by eliciting impassioned response. 7) When in Rome. Just as you want to be familiar with the ways in which body language can convey emotion, you will want to be familiar with the verbal language your opponent chooses in order to convey thoughts. Provided you’ve accurately read the cues which prompt the collective response, emulating your opponent’s verbal language and physical gestures can open new pathways to empathetic understanding, breaking down artificial barriers erected through mere habit and custom. Designing Your Presentation
8)
Design your verbal
presentation with phrases which contain your opponent’s expectations.
Ask your opponent what they think is “fair” versus what they “expect”. Again, “expect” is open-ended and subjective. These two fundamental questions framed within the context of “need” and “fair” achieve four important things.
9) Strive for clarity and specificity. During complex negotiations and related conversation, it is important to remain alert to the possibility of confusing verbal content. Important points communicated within the context of general discussion can carry with them unintended inference which may be falsely drawn by either you or your opponent. Should you sense that the conversation has become unclear or convoluted, restate your point when necessary and suggest your opponent do the same for you. In doing so, you may uncover additional information or valuable context which can aid in framing issues. People who feel confused or threatened, as a rule, become defensive, stop listening, and say, “no”. Resist the impulse to infer meaning from a vague innuendo. In discussing an issue, ferret out all underlying factors and write them down, refining the point. If your opponent hedges your efforts at specificity – there’s a reason. This may be a strategy they are using to extract more information from you. 10) Lead your opponent through correlated conversational references. Introduce versatility into your negotiations approach by keeping your conversational skills flexible. During the course of negotiation, topics may expand or contract. When straying into distant territory, be ready to identify key references which can bring you back on point -- using the same technique as when talking with the media. Also, look for key references or phrases which can lead you and your opponent outward toward related topics, or can help you illustrate an important issue. Find connections to take you where you need to go, and use them to lead your opponent where you wish them to tread. This capability can be very useful in ‘painting your picture’ and inspiring your opponent to ‘visualize’ your scenario. 11) Be consistent in your demands and in your manner. In conducting an erratic conversation, you run the risk of suggesting to your opponent that you are confused; undecided in your needs and requests; poorly prepared for meaningful discussion; incapable of making decisions regarding potential solutions; and, likely to renege on any eventual resolution. These assumptions, whether true or not, can inspire your opponent to mislead you and take advantage of your muddled manner by parleying similarly in an effort to befuddle or frustrate you into a concession. In order to affect a sense of confidence in your opponent and reduce the appearance of your own vulnerability, know in advance what you seek and how you aim to secure it. Any backtracking should appear purposeful and orchestrated in order to achieve an advance in the negotiation process. 12) Communicate confidence. There is absolutely no room for insecurity in negotiations. Your confidence must be unshakable, so don’t waffle or try to baffle or dazzle anyone. Your credibility and confidence are closely hinged, so if you are caught bluffing, unless perhaps it is well designed and based on fact, you will diminish your credibility and undermine your own confidence. If your adversary has done their homework as well as you have, they will note any such deviation from fact and exploit your attempt at a ruse. If you’ve done your homework, you will be intimately familiar with the accurate details of the negotiation and will be equipped to handle their discussion forward, backward and inside out. Nothing communicates confidence like being prepared. 13) Communicate calmness. A sharp opponent will be studying your body language and verbal variations from the moment you walk into the negotiations room. They will associate these cues with your emotional response to certain topics or situations, and will, in all likelihood, rely upon them later to manipulate your emotional state. Therefore, during your meeting, you will want to appear quite calm, regardless of how you feel. Ask a close friend or family member to critique your nuances in a stressful situation. What are your ticks or nervous habits? Once you know what they are, work to conceal them. Control nervous energy by diverting it elsewhere. If you are naturally high-strung, and want to tone things down for your meeting, try fiddling with a pen while occupying your other hand by discretely thumbing the edge of a pad of paper. As long as your mannerisms are either consistent or occur over a range of emotional reactions you will have a better chance of stumping your adversary as they look for obvious insights into your emotional state. During such times you may want to regularly sip water to remind your body it is not disassociated from your highly engaged mind. 14) Communicate authority. As a vehicle in service to our objective, there exists a subtle difference between communicating confidence and authority. Confidence suggests you are certain, though you may be quite in error; whereas, authority suggests you are capable of decision-making, and therefore represent access to cooperative arrangements. Present your case with an irrefutable air of authority. If you know your facts, and are confident in your argument and defense as well as your bottom line, this should come naturally. By communicating authority you more convincingly imbibe confidence in your opponent and their perception of your proposal – all this, while entrenching another layer of defense around and ahead of your vulnerabilities. 15) Hold your cards close to your vest. Closely guard your strategy, selectively revealing it in a manner which, ideally, exposes the strategy of your opponent, or tests their reaction, and therefore generates information. Before traversing an icy road in winter, I apply a brake test to see how slick the surface actually is, since looks can be deceiving. I do the same when I’m working with the opposition during negotiations. It is important to learn as much about your opponent’s style as quickly as possible. During the early part of discussions, throw out test material – things you know from prior contact will evoke a certain response. See how they communicate their reaction to you. This technique can further help you more closely emulate the communication style of your opponent. Perception 16) Appreciate the perceptions of your adversary. They say perception is 9/10s of reality. If that’s the case, it follows that more than half of any battle is in how your adversary perceives you and your position. Consider your message within your adversary’s frame of reference. Proper language, applied within the appropriate emotional and physical context, can communicate volumes of meaning, whether intended or not. The meaning you convey will depend upon the reception of your adversary and will be limited within the confines of their frame of reference. Refining the Art of Listening 17) Listen carefully and assist those who strive to hear you. Half of communication occurs in listening. As previously discussed, when one person communicates an idea to another, the recipient views that information through a lens which relates what is said with the experiences and perceptions of the recipient. The recipient should, therefore, reiterate what they think they’ve heard in order to achieve common understanding of an issue, and eliminate any chance for misunderstanding based on subjective interpretation of terminology and contextual perception. In order to better fulfill the role of listener, practice the following:
When you have the floor, in order to assist your opponent in receiving your message as you intend,
Commemorate 18) Record key issues in writing to reference later People sometimes forget what they say – especially during negotiations when issues and points of concession may undergo significant transformation before finding their finished form. Take a note pad and keep diligent notes on all key items discussed. You may want to slip a script, which you’ve prepared in advance and which highlights your key concerns, under a cover sheet and staple it in – lest it find its way loose and flutter under the table as you leave the room. If able, time your notations so you avoid inadvertently giving away key strategy during conversation. A pre-prepared script or outline allows you to make brief notations on-the-fly. If a key issue is brought up by the opposition and you suddenly hunker down and draft a lengthy passage, you’re going to raise suspicion without benefit of knowing what your opponent may be assuming. Communicate Success The artful use of words together with an awareness of how your message will be perceived by your opponent can dramatically enhance the effective communication of your position, your argument, and therefore, your success. Put every resource into your efforts to communicate – it is after all, the most intimately shared objective, transcending intention through its reception, and broadening, with its potential to connect, avenues of approachability.
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